I am so grateful you are taking the time to visit my blog. My prayer and hope is that my posts encourage you and make your heart swell with the realization of how much your Father is fighting for you and loves you.
I was forced to come face to face with the reality of this world. Of the sinfulness of humanity. Of the evil that prowls and lurks, eager to try and ruin the lives of His children.
I received news of such injustice and unbelievable tragedy that was happening right under my nose. So close to my heart. So painful to find out.
While I can generally walk myself logically through my emotions and feelings to avoid meltdowns and irrational feelings, it wasn’t possible this time.
I came home and wept. For hours and hours.
I was flooded with every emotion. Guilt. Fear. Worry. Panic. Sadness. Grief. Heartache. Loss. Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Disbelief.
The truth about sin and evil didn’t just come knocking at my door, it slammed down my door and came rushing at me.
The emotion that overtook was almost unbearable. I couldn’t find space to think. I barely had any words. Just tears and the uttering of, “Jesus.” over and over.
I fell to my knees in desperation. Desperate for Him to comfort me. To cover the situation. To give me strength. To show me Him in all of this.
For days I walked around feeling as though as I had a dark ominous cloud engulfing me. My energy was being sucked out. My heart was raw from hurting so much. My eyes and body were exhausted from the gut wrenching sobs that never seemed to end.
I could feel the enemy trying to take me down. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.
I felt attacked on all ends in a way I had never experienced.
I could hear the lies in my head getting louder and louder, and for the first time ever, I had to fight to hear the voice of truth.
This situation is beyond repair. This situation will end in defeat. All hope is lost.
You are a failure. This is your fault. You are weak and powerless.
God is not good. God is not a loving Father. God is not victorious.
This is tragic, and will end in tragedy.
These were the lies clamoring for my attention. These were the lies the enemy was whispering to me over and over and over. These were the lies I had to fight against.
In no way did I see how He could come out victorious in this situation, but I had to believe it.
I had no choice but to trust and have faith in the truths I have always known to be true.
That He loves His children. That nothing is impossible for Him. That He has plans for good for each one of us. That He is over all situations. That He can heal any broken heart. That He can reveal truth and bring justice. That He will reign victorious.
In between cries of anguish and anger and hurt and fear and sadness, I proclaimed these truths even though I couldn’t see them right now. Even though they were hard to believe, I had to cling to His promises and His goodness and His faithfulness.
I felt as though I was being suffocated.
I ended the week exhausted. I had nothing more in me to give. No more emotion. No more tears. No more fight.
I was giving it all I had to trust in Him. To surrender it all to Him. To hear His voice. To fight the lies.
But I was worn out.
And then this morning He came and met me in the exact way I needed.
While leading His people in worship, I was able to look out and gaze upon His children collectively proclaiming His victory over sin and death. With hands raised and hearts surrendered, I saw hundreds of people, all whom have been guaranteed to have gone through trials and tragedies, standing there victorious. Because we serve a God who fights on our behalf. Who conquered the grave. Who chose us despite our sin.
It may look tragic. It may look over. It may seem impossible.
But faith is the confidence of what we hope for and the assurance of the things we cannot see.
And while the enemy works to convince me of his victory, I will stand firm and fight to believe the truth…