because He told me to
If there is one thing I have learned in life it is this: You don’t have control over it.
And secondly, if life isn’t at least a little uncomfortable, that probably means you aren’t fully surrendering it to Him.
Here is a blurb from something I wrote to you at the end of June.
Two and a half years ago as I prepared to graduate and move home, I was sure I was going to live on my own. As graduation got closer, I decided I would live at home for a year to get settled and enjoy the opportunity to live with you again.
A year passed and I still wasn’t ready to move out. I loved doing life with you and everyone else and was so content to be at home. I was saving money and spending time with the people I loved, so I told myself I would give myself one more year at home.
And here we are at the end of year two, and I still have no desire or plan to move out in the next few months. I know that I am where I am supposed to be. Having the opportunity to spend my days with you and everyone else is a gift I don’t take for granted. It is sometimes a hard pill for me to swallow knowing I am the girl still living in my parents basement, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Two weeks after writing that a condo went on the market that I loved. As I was walking through it, I said, “I wish this was on the market six months from now. I’m just not ready to buy.”
Four days later I made an offer on the condo, and when I was disappointed that I didn’t get it, I realized that maybe, just maybe, my Father was trying to tell me something.
I viewed two other properties and didn’t get “the feeling”, and then a week later a perfect condo went on the market and showings were starting the day we were leaving for our family trip to Yellowstone.
My realtor sent me a video walk-through, and it checked all the boxes. Every. Single. One.
Yet I told my parents, “Oh, I would never put an offer on something I hadn’t been able to see myself.”
The next day my grandparents went to see it for me, and when they called to give their thoughts my grandpa said, “Morgan, I think you would really hate to miss out on this one. It feels like you.”
A day later while standing in the middle of Yellowstone National Park surrounded by geysers and bison (seriously), I found one bar of cell phone service and was able to get into my email and sign my offer to buy the condo.
I figured I would leave it all up to Him.
A day later, we managed to find the one place in the whole park that seemed to have some decent cell phone service- a pull off by a stop sign. As I sat in the car with my family, I listened to the voicemail telling me they had accepted my offer.
As my family cheered, I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that I was now a homeowner.
Over the next month I felt like I was drowning. I made more phone calls, sent more emails, and filled out more paperwork than ever before. Half of the conversations I had meant nothing to me, and I either had to ask my parents to translate for me or I had to go back to the person and ask them to try explaining the information to me again.
And all while I was trying to wrap my mind around the logistical part of it, I was panicking on the inside wondering what I had done.
Life at home was good. A month prior to this I was telling friends that it just wasn’t the right time to buy, and I was content with where I was. I felt like I needed to be living at home, and I was happy to save the money. I wasn’t sure I was ready financially. I loved living with my family. I just wasn’t there yet.
I begged my Father to bring me peace and show me this was truly what He wanted from me. He then reminded me of the prayer I had written at the beginning of the year.
Father, this year I choose the word “bold”. While I might already meet the general definition of bold, I believe it means so much more. I want to be bold in seeking You. I want my prayers to be bold. And who knows what might come along this year where you ask me to be bold. I pray that when a moment comes where boldness is needed, that I will find my strength in You. May I be bold in Jesus’ name.
And that was it. That was all the clarity I needed.
Without me knowing it, He had been preparing my heart for this for a long time.
And come on, I, me, control freak, planner, picky pants, bought her first place without ever having been inside of it. What a joke.
That is when I know it is His will. When it is something that so perfectly fell into place that was so far from what I had planned.
Our Father loves to take our “never” statements and make them come true. He loves to pull the carpet right out from under our feet, because when He does, that is when we have no choice but to walk in His plan, His peace, and His grace.
It always brings me back to the verse in Genesis 12 where God tells Abraham, “Go from your country, your people, and your father’s household to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.”
This verse was what my Father used to tell me I was supposed to go to school in Tennessee, and now it is the verse that always humbles me in times where I feel uncomfortable and unsure of what He is asking me to do.
Through my years of studying His Word and doing my best to understand the stories of His children and how He has used them for His glory, I have realized that the people in the Bible and in the world now that have made the greatest impact on His Kingdom have been the ones who were close enough to our Father to hear His voice and then wise enough to be obedient to what He was saying. They trusted His plans without knowing all the details. They simply said yes when He asked them to do something despite all of the sadness or fear they might have felt.
I think of Abraham who got His massive calling from a burning bush and ended up leading God’s chosen people out of Egypt. All because He was obedient. Or Rahab who hid the spies. She didn’t even realize it was God directing her to do what she did, but she was still obedient to this little voice inside of her head. Noah was obedient to what seemed like an absurd and ridiculous task, but it was hugely important to the continuation of the world. And then there is Mary. A woman who is dear to all of our hearts because her obedience to give birth to and raise our sweet Savior is a piece of the puzzle that saved us all.
So many acts of obedience. Some small and some large, but all extremely impactful.
And paired with the obedience aspect came the faith part. The act of saying, “I trust and I believe despite what I can’t see or understand.”
It is faith and obedience that allow us to be able vessels for our Father.
Many days I still think, why did I do this? What is the purpose in having my own space when I was perfectly happy before? Why do I have to live fifteen minutes away from my girl?
And every time I come back to the same conclusion- because He told me to.
And that is enough.
When my Father tells me to do something, whether big or small, I rest in knowing that my obedience will be blessed, and that He will use me when I am an obedient follower who will trust His plans above my own.
Maliyah, my world was turned upside down these past few months. Every time you ask me why I have to go sleep at my house, my heart breaks a little more, but I stand firm in the truth that I tell you every time you say that- “Maliyah, God asked me to do this, so I need to listen to Him and trust Him.”
And if I’m being honest, my stellar view of the mountains and the freedom to decorate whenever I want for Christmas isn’t the worst thing that could have happened to me.
Maliyah, when He calls you to do something, do it. You will never regret being obedient to a Father that loves you and has plans that are for your own good. He will never lead you astray.
All my love,